Facepack

"Memories can be painful. To forget might be a blessing!" - Kung Fu Hustle Movi
Well, not really! I did not quite remember my last experience and let Anjali
talk me right into it. I was back in the "chair" and had faint recollections of a guy speaking to me in a soft voice
".. sir, a little more above the ear.... how about the bald patch on the forehead.... a square or rounded neck...is that enough medium-short...this twirl looks good"!

It was déjà vu all over again but with a little more class!
The last time I was in an average-class salon was about 6 years back. The salon was new and my meager paycheck came with a bonus I think. So, at the end of the hair-cut which cost me Rs.30 I let the barber talk me into taking one of their "packages".
"sir, iss cream se aapka face soft ho jayega...". Nice! Picture of one of the may film stars in the salon floated in front my closed eyes and I would wonder who among them had a soft skin like this cream promised to give.. SRK, Abhisek, Jonh...wow!
"sir, iss cream se aapke dark pimples kam ho nikal jayenge..." clear skin.... aftab shivdasani...again the floating pictures..
"sir, iss cream se aapke chereh pe shine aa jayega...'.. yeah! bright lights, the annual function is just around the corner.. I could use some 'extra' "shine" on my face.. so what if I don't even remotely shine in anything else that I do?
At the end of the session, I put my spectacles back on eager to look at a soft, shiny, pimple-free me. Not that I expected someone from the poster to stare back at me from the mirror but nothing could have prepared me for "me".
I was bruised, oily and looking as though I had just completed a two day un-reserved compartment journey. I had endured all kinds of weird sensations on my face, uncomfortable proximity to a complete stranger for 1 hour, strong odors (rajnigandha included), somehow fought of a panic-attack (I am genetically claustrophobic!) and learnt all about the barbers extended family. Rs.250 (inclusive of haircut) for all of this.
Today, a similar experience cost me Rs.550 which included an additional 'bleach' to make me 'fair'. I use bleach in my bathroom!
Well, so that was it; at the end of the show I put on my spectacles found me smiling at me and walked out.

Cafe Coffee Day

I knew it was over the moment I said Cafe Coffee Day.

It was just the beginning of the painful bride hunting process. My mom and sister had short listed this girl from Nagpur and she was also willing to meet me. Later, she would tell me that she wanted to see me because I was an artiste.

My mom and sister liked her when she came over to our house, in Nagpur, to have a chat. She was coming down to Pune for some work and was willing to see me there. After exchanging addresses via sms it was decided that I would go over to her uncle's place where she was staying and meet up. I reached on time and the family was very welcoming. She was all set to head out after a while and that is exactly what we did. We headed out without a clue as to where we were going. After a small walk she said we could sit for a while in CCD if there was one around. I had never been to CCD before and was rather unsure of it and hence preferred the security of the outdoors. I started that CCD stuff is overpriced, frozen food types, unhealthy, no value for (hard-earned) money and was simply a place for rich kids to splurge. She was taken aback by my sudden expression and strong opinion. Nevertheless she probably liked the fact that I was realistic. Probably.

We walked around for some more time in the cold November air and then it happened talking about non essential stuff like rebirth and I told her how I believed that I was a German and a researcher, at the Cavendish Lab, in my past life. We were almost running out of small talk when destiny and biology kicked in. I needed to take a piss. I held on for quite a while and also considered asking her to wait while I took a piss in a dark alley. But there was no dark alley and for all my urgency I could not imagine asking of her something like that.

The chat at CCD was not a lesser disaster. I shared my perceptions of people; their dress sense, their hairstyles, etc and how it affected and spoke volumes of their personalities. It was interesting enough until all the negative conclusions of the personality types somehow applied to her father, brother and almost every adult male in her immediate and distant family. I had already given up the whole thing the moment I had suggested CCD and also because she was rather unsure of marriage; I was the third "artist" she was seeing.

I love my wife

I like to meet people. That is not to say that I like to make a lot of friends, but I like to meet new people, have a chat, and if possible stay associated.

A self proclaimed loner that I am, this may seem to be a bit off the usual loner-ish behavior, but it's not company that I seek when I meet people. Rather I am looking for patterns and trying to fit people into boxes of personalities. Stereotyping, basically! :)

Mother Teresa had said that "If you judge people, you won't have time to love them", and rightly so. It works out for me since I certainly don't wish to fall in love which is why I take the easier (and left over) option of judging them.

Most of my friends are married and those that aren't are well on their way of giving into a life of commitment (and repentance). Interacting with those that are married gives my learning algorithms additional data and thus its able to predict better matches. The clustering and machine learning goes on and on and I keep regrouping them into "personality-boxes".

One such category is "I love my wife"-types.

They can't wait to tell people around them how much they love their wife and that how she means the world to them; how marriage was the best thing that happened to them and some such.These are also the guys who seem to be the foremost proponents of the institution of marriage.

If girls were to wish for the perfect husband the "I love my wife"-types would be the answer to their prayers, or so it would seem until you either had a really frank chat with a wife or had exceptional people reading skills like I do.

Most guys in the above group eventually come across as being very self centered, self-loving and dominating. The only people they actually love and care about are themselves.
Which is why they spent a good deal of time in finding and marrying a timid girl who would not interfere with their romance with themselves. The girl puts up with everything the guys have to dole which is why he loves her so much in the first place. The girl goes out when he wants to, dresses up the way he wants to and so on. The more she does according to what he wants, the more his expressions of love

His love knows no limits when the girl is also able to put up with his parents. When he means to say "she does not complaint about my parents!" you would most likely hear "we were made for each other. I love my wife."

.... to be continued.